my head is spinning from the countless, worrying thoughts that have flown by my mind in the past day itself..

what if...they don't accept my application and don't grant the bridging visa?
what if...they don't even manage to recieve the courier i have sent, due to unforeseen circumstances?
what if...they insist i send my translated birth certificate before the 30th Sept?

yes, i think i am about to tripp over that fine line of sanity..or have i already crossed over? goshh..

what is with birthdays and these unfortunate events...like? why does it seem like i spent my 22nd birthday moping and sadly contemplating the prospect of being an illegal 'alien' in another 3 days..
or why was it that i on my 16th birthday, i was burying my grandmother in the cemetery in Muar and watching my dad experiencing the second most hardest and painful days of his life?

im not normally the type to be melodramatic...but, seriously..i need to be racking up some karma points soon~

on the other hand, Bistro Vue is pretty darn good~ i must say the desserts were abit so-so...but the mains were delicieux~ and overall it left me pretty happie with all the yummy food in my tummy;) my highlight of my 22nd bday~! yays!~~

its 2.22am, and i cant sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep...
literally, im worried almost sick...because the thought of me being 'unlawful' and an illegal immigrant in Australia, as of the 30th of September is more than enough to make my stomach churn:S

i have never done anything illegal in my life, and yes, this is going to taint my prospects of applying for PR/ TR...whatever it is..gosh! i always say i have to stop doing things at the last minute...but *sighs* what the Fshhhhhhhhhhhhh.....im seriously panicking already:(

oh yeah, happie 22nd birthday to me...ha ha...
the irony is just too much..zoinking off now, because my brain is semi-retarded from stressing over my lawlessness..
ahhss...i miss those days when i dont need to know anything, and everything was done for me... >.<

it is another friday night, and i am feeling rather blue...
no, dont misjudge me for wallowing in self misery for staying home on such a brilliant opportunity to be out and about, painting the city red...

nope. the real reason is quite the contrary, in fact.

after just getting off a video call with the rest of my beloved family back home, i am missing home, missing them. missing our moments and making funny faces just to make them laugh . . .sighs.
i have been moaning about my homesickness upon returning to Melbourne, and this time, i know, i have it really bad, as i have never been quite as homesick as this since . . . ever?

anyhow, i also think my dismal frame of mind is a direct result from the current listlessness i have been prone to recently.
upon 'graduating' and without studies to worry about, i am left afloat in the ocean of uncertainty that is life. i no longer have any plans, no agendas, no proper structure to adhere to...and yes, it certainly freaks me out.
there goes my whole list of tutorials to attend, assignment deadlines to highlight, exam dates, nonsensical study sessions and revision lectures..out the window:)

it is a bittersweet feeling indeed.

not one of the finer days of melbourne weather today...but i am in a surprisingly upbeat mood today.

for the past few months or so, i have been unsure, undecided, unsteady...if i may call it that, lacking confidence and lacking a strong will and direction. i had unconsciously let things that have happened in my past tangle itself with the present and my eminent future. sure enough, i have graduated from Uni, but I didnt let this sink in with me previously as I had been afraid I might disappoint myself again.

but today, it all changes. because I cant let my fear of failing (from my past experiences) stop me from being happy and bully me from making more decisions. I have recognised my failure in the past, so now, I have to stop feeeling guilty for them and punishing myself for them. Instead, I should learn the lesson behind them and continue forth wiser and stronger than before....

other than that, i shall stop babbling on as nothing much has been happening to me ~ especially since coming back~
but anyways, at least im genuinely happy now:)

no more excuses.

a new season has supposedly arrived in Melbourne, but my frozen fingers that tap on my silvery new keyboard is proof otherwise:(
so, it has been awhile . . . i have been back to the place which i will always call home, where the food is mostly too incredible to describe, where the warmth of old friends are sure to reach me despite the fact that i live in the most nether-reaches of suburban KL;) and where my beloved mum, dad and two youngest sisters make up a loving and irresistably amusing household~

i sincerely miss it.

maybe, i am biased since i was back there for a 'holiday' and i guess, it would be totally different working back there. so, i have to focus and snap myself back to the plan to GET somewhere. S O M E W H E R E, at least :)

arghss....so lame. i only ever get sick once or twice a yearr tops..and this time, i had to be sick, just before the Daylesford tripp which i was looking so forward to =
well, i'm still going... it would just be fun-ner to not be sick now >.<

anywayssss...

my patience is seriously, serioussly running thin....i really don't enjoy babysitting =.="
goshh, the last time i checked the world doesn't just revolve around you...
and its really starting to get to me..so much so, my level of optimism is dangling dangerously low...
everyone has their own issues, but we all have to deal with them the best we can...and, yes, i can understand that you are young and all...you need time..but, i reaally dont know how else i can help you, and its depressing me.. grrrrrssss....

no one likes a know-it-all

yess, sometimes, i know the answer to your question, but i choose not to answer it..because yes, the truth is simple; no one likes a know-it-all. me included!

so, yes, i do feel very UN-justified when someone mistook me for a know-it-all...! because, no, its not like i am dumb that i didnt know the answer, and yes! i was deliberately being polite to try not to be so smart-a$$. arghs..im so UNjustified. *grumbles grumbles*

seriously, i am soo tired of this kind of mis-matched timing of matters of the heart.

dunno what im talking about? take the classic story of romeo & juliet.

romeo and juliet are in love. but they are star-crossed lovers. in the end, juliet pretends to drink poison in an effort to be with romeo. romeo thinks juliet is dead, and he kills himself. now, juliet wakes up and findss her true love dead, so she in turn, kills herself to be with him. oh. my. god.

in real life, this tends to occur too..simply because of the 'games of love' people have tended to play. *shakes head in disapproval*...love is not so dramatic, nor is it complicated...just DONT play the stupid gamee...

i quit i quit...i dont mind losing the game or whatever. i just want what's important from it - the simple notion of Love.

ohh gosh, there are just so many things so seriously wrong with me, that i really have alot to be thankful for:)

Jamie, my younger sister living in Melbourne with me now, and a few other close frends of mine constantly tease me for always having high expectations/ standards. . . and at the risk of sounding like a snob, yeah, i do admit to my tendency to set particularly high benchmarks for myself sometimes - one example is, the expectation i had of beating my own previous 7.5 score for the IELTS test...yes, i realised that a 7 is sufficient enough to apply for PR~ but yeah, the satisfaction i get from achieving that higher score gives me the validation i need to propel me into reaching for my own goals and dreams..~

anyways, i used to take these little jokes of me having higher-than-normal standards as a somewhat-underhanded compliment, until i realised it got less and less funny...particularly when, i realised i had a bad habit of super-imposing these expectations on myself.

it is a well-known fact, that not one person is entirely perfect. and yet, it has become like second nature for me to expect only second-to-none perfection from my ownself...so, where in the world does this double standard leave me? =.="
the downside of this cruel cycle of overachievement, leaves me struggling to feel the happiness, even when i have tried my best and/or achieved something substantial...


and perhaps, my second craziest pet quirk has got to be, the ability to argue every single argument i have so fairly within myself...hahahah...
i like to think of it as one of the funny quirk i have adopted from being born under the star sign Libra (the scales) but, who reaaally knows where i got this super annoying trait from.
one of the issues i used to argue within myself was the one about my parents not being very liberal about my night-time curfew when I'm in Malaysia. i remember so well, how i used to get sooo upset and revel in the unfairness of not being able to go out till the wee hours in the morning, like how all my other frends could..:(
then, on the other hand, i could clearly understand my parents' position in fearing for their daughter's safety...after all, prevention is better than cure~>.<"
..so, what happened most of the times was, i would end up swallowing my own bitterness and just not asking my parents for permission to go out...just because, i know it wouldnt do any good to ask them anyways. i had much rather not even have an answer than hear them say no, which made me fall in even-more-dislike for them...
even my frends get annoyed when i argue both sides of every storyy..but, imagine having this kind of argument in your own head...~ it seriouslly can drive a person madd..~! hahah...not that i am! ;p

anyways, despite all these crazy quirks...i am relatively normal la..
there was once upon a time, when i used to think i was 'complicated', but no...i can safely say, i am beyond my complications..! and i know now, that your life is as simple / complicated as you make it to be, because;

• we have all the answers we will ever need for now.
• deep down, we know the answers to every question, but sometimes, we say its complicated because, we, for some reason or another, do not really like/ are in denial of the correct answer:)

its been a long post of my crazy ranting which i shall end here..until another time, xOxO~

i have recently been listening to alot of Death Cab for Cutie's songs...

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you do, they're half empty and half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

from 'Marching Bands of Manhattan'

its already the middle of the year. what seems like a blink of an eye ago, it was just New Year's day, and in yet another blink of an eye...it will probably Xmas again..yay! my absolute favourite holiday of the year..! ^^

i have just finished watching 'the kite runner' and it is such a beautiful story~~
really is a must see, although i haven't read the book yet and cant say how much justice it does to the literature:)
it is quite a sad story which is heartfelt, and prompts us to rethink our previous perceptions of the Afghan community...watching the movie has only reinforced my beliefs that the best gifts of all, in our highly volatile, contemporary environment is peace and basic human rights, which i must admit, i have taken for granted of most of the time.
one of the things i have learnt from the film is that, no matter what language we speak or what culture we were brought up in, or what country we come from or were born in, we are actually united by the simple dreams 'for our children to grow up to be good persons, and that the flowers will bloom in the streets, that music will play and resound in our houses and kites will fly in the skies . . .'
anyways, certainly go and watch the movie yourself to really understand the beauty in such simple wishes...:)

*******

well, this morning was the quintissential dismal wintry Melbourne morning (with showers predicted), but i was determined not to miss out on my very last lecture of the semester - and perhaps, of university...

i decided to wear my relatively new Snow-White's-wicked-stepmother's-apple-red pointy-toed shoes today, which i realised was coincidentally the same colour as the annoying, large spot on my upper left cheek!! i have since dubbed it the no-stress-stress-pimple, me being totally devoid of stress, am having stress coping with no stress at all...! anyways, here is the picture of the blasphemous spot . . .

what!! of course, i didnt really take a picture of it and expect you to continue reading..hahah..probably, half of you would have stopped scrolling down already, on the account of my being kinda scaryyy..and idiotic:)

anywaysss . . . i do have some pictures of what i have recently spent my hard-earned savings on as a result of an impromptu Friday afternoon tripp to the Spencer Street DFO...le sigh! at this rate, im not going to have any money to shop in HK...*boohoo*

criminally divine, yet possibly terminally painful, satin grey pumps

i'm not normally a dress person, so this is one of the VERY few dresses i happen to own...which i bought on a sortof whim, since i have no function to wear it to...yet

both of which are from Witchery~

anyways, having so much free time recently, has lead to my almost religious following of news via MX, yes, i am aware, it is not exactly the most reliable nor the most intelligent sources for important current affairs and such, but a small & nondescript piece in the MX today caught my eye. It was an article about how the current uniform worn by girls in Malaysian government schools has been proclaimed to be "too sexy and that it contributed to rape and other immoral acts" by a certain National Islamic Students Association of Malaysia.

what

the

fishhhhhhh....

so, i decided to cross-check and managed to find three related articles in the Star newspaper, which basically confirmed the details from the story in the Mx newspaper.

although, i didnt have to wear the same uniform (a white blouse and a blue cotton knee-length skirt or blue cotton pinafore), i certainly wouldnt define them as appearing provocative or sexy...! but the point is not that...the bigger point they are implying is their belief that the clothes a woman wears is the cause of her being a victim of sexually-committed crimes!?!!

and to which, the Education Minister, the Honourable Datuk Seri Hishamuddin Tun Hussein replied,

“It is unfair to punish women and children for the clothes they wear for the act
of the rapist,”

adding that he could not allow such stereotyping to continue.
He personally felt it was unfair to blame the students or their uniforms for sexual crimes committed against them, and further stated that

“Clothing is not the main consideration for those who commit despicable acts
like these,"

which I thought was a very diplomatic and excellent retort to the incredibly ignorant claim made by the National Islamic Students Association of Malaysia. *applauds the Education minister* thank gosh for ministers like him, who restore my faith and respect for the Malaysian political arena.

^^ anyways, ending my rant now...~

Bonne soiree~~ or goodnitess, in English!

ouch....for once, the skin on my face is so dry that it hurts..well, certain parts of it anyway =.=

well, just thought i would have a small break between my French and Economics homework...ahahah..no kidding, i have been working, or should i say studying extra hard these past two weekss..~ yeahh, for once in my four (.5) years of undergraduate life, i have really been a 'full-time student'...the irony! >.<

i just watched Iron Man today...and yes, i admit, i wasnt impressed by the fact that it was coming out in the first place, but do not mistake my indifference as a cause for me to object to watching the movie..simply said, i was just not bothered to watch it....
anyways, after all the rave reviews and finally watching it myself...i found the movie....so-so only, still..hahahah..but yeah, it wasn't my inner cynic this time...i just didnt really like the whole US-Iraq / Middle East/ Afghanistan war theme of the movie.

anyways, im out of unhelpful and inconstructively-critical movie reviews for now...good nitess deareS~

i missss my heavy straight fringeeeee!!~~ okaii,, so please excuse my uber-powerful narcissistic streak..:)

hrmmss...well, other than that, I'm picking up my French again..goshh...thanfully, i remember my bits and pieces, although the main difficulty was in trying to use them in sentences..hahahh..

I finally watched 27 dresses today, and it was a good chick flick, better than I'd like to admit it to be;p it also helped that James Marsden is so ridiculously cutee with his deep dimpless...::<3 melts::

and unbelievably, it is apparently nearing the end of the semester with less than three weeks to go before exams period starts..ahahah..how lost i am with the goings-on of normal uni life...im the silly, almost-blisfully-free student whose pining for the life of the working class...eheheh..thats the funny thing about humans, isnt it? we are never really satisfied with what we have, and always yearn for more..

well, i guess you were right all along.
i really was immature, and my words definitely proved your point. i see it from a different perspective and realised that not long after it all happened, but yeah...it is much more vivid now than ever.
i know now, that it was terribly insensitive of me to say such things, and i have learnt from it, so, all i can say now is . . .











thanxx, for this lesson learnt:)

i am not feeling well today, despite the nicer weather..~

my melancholy has brought the lyrics from a song by Rachael Yamagata titled 'I wish you love' to my mind...

"I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss,
but more than this
I wish you love . . . "

the song doesn't represent what i am currently thinking or feeling about someone in particular at the moment, and yeah, i am just going to be so random today.

i miss my family.
missing my mum, my dad, my nice-nice, and my hunnybunny Jez.
will be seeing them soon :)

a distinctively sodden and unbelievably chilly side to Melbourne just makes me wish i belonged to a different species of mammal, which actually goes into hibernation during the cold months of winter! hahahh...well, the truth is, im not exaclty denied the privilege of hibernating under my sheets on this fine first day of May . . . since i have nooo class today, and still u.n.e.m.p.l.o.y.e.d =[

oohhss..crapp..i'm quite embarassed to say that i was sucked into the immensely cliched and not-exactly-classy production of Malaysia's first online reality model search - Malaysian DreamGirls ! ohmygosh..and i cant believe it, Hanis didnt win!! awww....well, i thought she was the most worthy of winning the title amongst the final three, although i thought that Adeline did really well during a few of the challenges, which made me think she was more suited for acting in commercials and acting in general and not so good at modelling per se. as for Cindy, i prefer not to comment, since i cant quite figure her out from just watching the small happenings and goings-on in the house... but if there was one lil' thing i did notice was her innate way of being dishonest about certain obvious facts. take example one, the time when TV host, JP (who is cute, can!) came to the Dreamhouse, and she was ranting on about how JP had such a profound personality, and how he left such an impression, that three girls dreamt of him the nite after he visited them...

oh pleeeeaaasee..how can one begin to even fathom another's 'personality' from meeting them during the few hours they managed to spend together (in a huuge group, i might add)?? ohmygosh...at least be honest la...if he's hot, then he's just hot! if you think he's good looking and, u like him because of his outlook, then at least be honest and say so la...its so much worse to seem like such an obviouss liar than to be judged for having a crush on someone based on the way they look...erghss..*ends rant*

ahahah..sorry, *buey tahan* already because it was too obvious...! ^^

anyways, im sure Hanis will go onto gr8r thingss and succeed, and gosh..i wonder whats happening with Fiqa, my personal favourite of the girls..shes just soooo sweeeeeet i thinkk:)

hrmms..well, since i havent been posting many pictures lately . . . ill just let them do the work for me this time . . .

29032008

yummy hot pot during EarthHour - thanxx Denise!!

the Queen of hot pot ~ Denise Lee

who also is a poutaholic. . .

Jovi + Jamie a.k.a. Cute Couple #1

31032008

Hui San, birthday girl @ Vons, Hardware Lane ~ 01/04

dearee with the impromptu birthday cake~~

17042008

Soon Shin + Ethan + Cheng Yee @ Kobe Jones, Docklands for SS' bday dinner

Mark

the birthday boy ~~ Soon Shin 25/04

tempura.

mixed sushi.

salmon skin sushi.

soft shell crab.

myself + Bryan

the funny shark-fin shaped building from docklands

weird and weirder



been having those dreams when i believe that i have woken up and done stuff straight from getting out of bed, things that i didnt want to do..then, suffered the strangest sort of deja vu , of the 'crap-did-i-really-just-do-that-or-was-i-just-dreaming?' variety...
i get really confused about if i really did the silly things i dreamt about once i actually do wake up, because these dreams seem too realistic to have not taken place but at the same time, to idiotic to have really taken place=.=


yesterday, i met up with two individual persons that were part of different periods of my past, both of whom i have not seen in an invariably long time...

firstly, i met up with Tang for lunch, who i have knew for just barely a semester, be4 she graduated and went back to Thailand, where she currently has a promising career at ExxonMobil~ which isnt surprising at all, considering she was one of the really smart ones at uni, and one of the sweetest as well~

i remember, i was in awe of her genuine sense of giving the day, she dropped by in the city with some of her own home-cooked japanese curry chicken and carrot cake, because she knew i was staying by myself at that time. one of my best, level-headed frends who i turn to for advice~~ it was gr8, having not seen her in the past one and a half years...~

the second person i met up with was someone i have known since high school, Robin....during which, there was a short period of time in which we sort of were together~ hahah...cant believe it has been around 8 years since...! well, Robin was definitely very surprised that my parents aren't as strict as they were with me in the past and well, i think, Robin has always been quite mature and independent even during high school, so i believe that much hasnt changed..and perhaps, more serious in building his own future now~

anyways, its about time i went to sleep already~ need to correct my sleeping habits once again..~ ttfn-

when will we ever learn?

that the only person(s) we can truly depend on is ourselves, and our family.

the truth is certainly not easy to hear lest accept, but the sooner we accept it, the better off we are.

one of my good friends has just broken up with her boyfriend of several months.....yes, i can relate to the utterly miserable and broken mood she is currently experiencing but i just don't really know how to console her, because the simple fact is, there is truly no consolation i can offer rite now.....

the only consolation i can possibly offer is to make her boyfriend be in love with her again.

but unfortunately, life just doesn't work that way. people fall in love and for whatever reasons, that it doesnt work out...it just means, they dont love you enough to hold on OR, they were never in love with you in the first place.
well, for whichever reason it may be, life still goes on~ and though, it may take some time to heal.....that which you have survived, can only make you stronger in the end.

arghss...left my phone at home today when i realised i was running late for work~
::smirks:: anyways, its highly unlikely anyone important (ie. someone offering me a fabulous job or someone informing me i have unexpectedly inherited a gazillion dollars from an incredibly wealthy and distant relative) will even call on a sunday...::daydreams on::

well, the good news is i am able to access the internet and hence, blog online at work...
the downside is, if i get caught somehow...there goes the job *lol* however, i must say there is thr teensiest buzz from blogging from doing something semi-forbidden..(omgosh, there was just the proof of my apparent goody-two-shoeness) =.="

anyways.s...::lets out bored sigh:: im bored, bored BORED with this job already.....and now, seriously worried about getting a job in the future which manages to continuously capture my interest...

hahahah..guess i better stop daydreamin'/blogging now and actually (pretend to) work..ttfnz~

omgoshh...its soo hot...buey tahan arhh..grrss....
anyways, i just realised i have been neglecting my blog again....><

well, so farr things have been getting better...~

• my silly lil' sister Jamie, hui san and soon shin are all back in melbournee~~
• i have upgraded my phone to the....sony ericsson W910i in red (well, it was jamie's wish really), but i think, jamie is more excited about the new phone than i am~ ahahah..but im pretty sure, the novelty of the phone will wear out soon enough and she will want another one soonn~
• hrmss..and lastly, uni is starting again next week~

hahahah..my blog entries get more and more dry everytime..lolz..anyways, thats all for now...good nitez*

happie cny?

Gong Xi Fa Cai~~!! Xing Nian Kuai Le~~! happiiee CNY to everyy1~
hrmss..the ushering of a prosperous new year is supposed to be a joyous event shared by our family. this is my second time spending CNY in melbourne and its reaallyy...well...different=] no cheesyy annoying chinese new year songs on the radio, no extremely noisy firecrackers to shatter our most vivid of dreams, no embarassing fumbling with my terrible mandarin trying to communicate with my dad's relatives, no gross bugs and unbearable heatwave to battle with during our stay in the kampung..lolzz..nope, i dun miss it...but what i do miss is the incredibly yummmyy Yee Sang and my grandmother's pineapple jam tarts ::mouth waters::, and our crazy 'cincai' mahjong sessions at Uncle Chong's house, my midnite ghost story and catch-up sessions with my favourite cousins, and my goshh...ang pows, of course..lolz!! i even enjoy the road trip back to Batu Pahat and Muar sometimes..~
but this year, is the year that i know i didnt miss anything...
this year, on the fifth year of my paternal grandmother's passing away, my mum and three sisters decided not to go back to Muar or Batu Pahat for CNY...they decided to stay at home this year instead.
ironically, im here. my dad is in Muar and my mum and three sisters are back home...sighs.

i hope that my dad drives back safely from Muar on Saturday.
i hope that my mum and sisters are safe alone at home this Chinese New Year.
i wished that there is more i could do than just hope.