Jamie, my younger sister living in Melbourne with me now, and a few other close frends of mine constantly tease me for always having high expectations/ standards. . . and at the risk of sounding like a snob, yeah, i do admit to my tendency to set particularly high benchmarks for myself sometimes - one example is, the expectation i had of beating my own previous 7.5 score for the IELTS test...yes, i realised that a 7 is sufficient enough to apply for PR~ but yeah, the satisfaction i get from achieving that higher score gives me the validation i need to propel me into reaching for my own goals and dreams..~
anyways, i used to take these little jokes of me having higher-than-normal standards as a somewhat-underhanded compliment, until i realised it got less and less funny...particularly when, i realised i had a bad habit of super-imposing these expectations on myself.
it is a well-known fact, that not one person is entirely perfect. and yet, it has become like second nature for me to expect only second-to-none perfection from my ownself...so, where in the world does this double standard leave me? =.="
the downside of this cruel cycle of overachievement, leaves me struggling to feel the happiness, even when i have tried my best and/or achieved something substantial...
and perhaps, my second craziest pet quirk has got to be, the ability to argue every single argument i have so fairly within myself...hahahah...
i like to think of it as one of the funny quirk i have adopted from being born under the star sign Libra (the scales) but, who reaaally knows where i got this super annoying trait from.
one of the issues i used to argue within myself was the one about my parents not being very liberal about my night-time curfew when I'm in Malaysia. i remember so well, how i used to get sooo upset and revel in the unfairness of not being able to go out till the wee hours in the morning, like how all my other frends could..:(
then, on the other hand, i could clearly understand my parents' position in fearing for their daughter's safety...after all, prevention is better than cure~>.<"
..so, what happened most of the times was, i would end up swallowing my own bitterness and just not asking my parents for permission to go out...just because, i know it wouldnt do any good to ask them anyways. i had much rather not even have an answer than hear them say no, which made me fall in even-more-dislike for them...
even my frends get annoyed when i argue both sides of every storyy..but, imagine having this kind of argument in your own head...~ it seriouslly can drive a person madd..~! hahah...not that i am! ;p
anyways, despite all these crazy quirks...i am relatively normal la..
there was once upon a time, when i used to think i was 'complicated', but no...i can safely say, i am beyond my complications..! and i know now, that your life is as simple / complicated as you make it to be, because;
- we have all the answers we will ever need for now.
- deep down, we know the answers to every question, but sometimes, we say its complicated because, we, for some reason or another, do not really like/ are in denial of the correct answer:)
its been a long post of my crazy ranting which i shall end here..until another time, xOxO~
No comments:
Post a Comment