~

just got home from watching a chinese movie 'Wonder Women' @ Bryan and Ethan's place~ it was not bad, but the heroine's (Gigi Leung) life was exceptionally tragic, and i cant imagine ever having gone through the hardships she faced ::touches wood:: its when i watch movies like this, i am reminded of how painstaking how other people's lives can be compared to the trivial troubles in my own. it makes me appreciate how lucky i have been so far, and in a way, makes me more determined to try to suceed=]
had dinner tonite @ Pacific House in Richmond, with bryan, mel, cayvian, hui san, cheng yee and ethan..which was also where we bought the pirated chinese movies..lolz..quite surprising to see a shop selling pirated stuffs in Melbourne, but we were too bored and just bought the moviess~
anywayss..tomorrow, i have to go to Clayton (again!) to learn how to edit my resume~ so, guess ill write more another time..~

someone and someone else +

its ironic...how history always repeats itself.

someone cries tonite from finding they 'fallen too deep into love'.

someone cries because they are missing someone so badly, their whole heart aches.

someone wonders how they will survive the next few months without him.

someone feels the loneliness so strange and scary and growing ever so rapidly.

someone doesnt wish that history tends to repeat itself, in its many manifestations.

someone feels frustrated and powerless from not being able to prevent all this from really happening.

the same someone also, lies in bed and thinks about a particular someone she wont be seeing for some time to come.

she hopes to renew her belief in fate~

these are the two people living in my house now, the two who are separated by the less-than-soundproof sliding wall, but bound by the same blood and now, by fairly similar experiences...

those magic words.

i remember. . . the times i used to latch onto my dad's back trouser pockets and follow him to the dining table every evening when he just got home from work.

i remember. . . how my mum would console and soothe me whenever i had a bad fall or i had nightmares when i was just a little kid.

i remember. . . the way the sunlight would shine through the curtains in our old house in Cheras when i used to sleep in my parents' bedroom.

and. . . i also remember as a little kid, my biggest fear and worst-ever nightmare was, one day, eventually losing my parents *touches wood*
it is a very strange and frightening concept: death. especially to a seven-year old. and, yes, i was petrified by the thought of losing my own life one day, and the possibilities of how it would occur, but at that time, the deep pain of the loss of the people i loved most dearly and how i would cope without them seemed like too much to bear. there were nights of endless sobbing and crying in bed from worry of this undeniable fate. of losing the two most important and giving people in this world to me; my mum and dad. i really have alot to thank them for..~
then there was a period of time, when i started to find my dad too uptight, and my mum too flighty. friends started to overshadow my family & i began to disregard my parents' advice and directions. it was like, the more they pushed, the more i edged away.
but standing here in this point of time, i cant help but feel so lost. unsure of what i want, what i should do, and what is possible and impossible to achieve. my life as a student is unofficially about to end, and i can't handle this responsibility yet. i wished i could be strong, for the sake of my independence, and my parents. but i'm crumbling from the weight of it all...
on the train home from work last nite, i couldnt keep myself from thinking...i reaally, reeaally miss my family, and i wish i could hear my mum tell me again that "everythings going to be alrite..."

***********

this itch is really killin' me.

eekss...i'm suffering from the after-shock of my rashes; i'm not sure if its my imagination playing tricks on me or something, but i can feel some 'phantom' itchiness...from time to time~ i have been having this really bad, *superrr* itchy rash for the past 2-3 days (or more like, nites since i dun have them in the daytime but it always surfaces during the nite-time)~ i know, i know, it sounds really groce..i mean, rashes...the red blotchiness of the skin, coupled with the mad scratching, typical behaviour usually associated with monkeys...it was exceptionally hard to even pretend to be normal on friday nite, Jit & Suri's bdayy party @ seven, but thankfully, i did manage to have loadss of fun that nite, after all~! ;)
i think, Cayvian really was rite..either, the alcohol really did *cure* my rashess - as insane as that sounds, it may be true, coz i didnt have them again the nite after clubbing! - or, it managed to numb/distract me from the itchiness, and i totally forgot to scratch after awhile..lolzz~
btw. . . thanxx to every1 of you who has been concerned with my rashes~~ and so sorry to those who have suffered my wrath during this highly agitated period....oh no, wait..im always highly agitated.. *nervous laughter*
oh gosh, i've really been turning into a 'super-b&^!*' lately & been giving lame excuses for it too...first, coz of assignments, then straight after that, Exams~! and now, this stupid rash! well, now this rash has subsided...i have finally run out of excuses, and feel that its time to quit my job and do what i really wanna do. . . just enjoy my holidays with my frends!! ~ except, this isnt really a holiday, either...its more like the time i need to get my act together and prepare for the next stage in life~ work *le sigh* okaii, now i feel really depressedd... well, im off to the beach first, which hopefully cures this bout of depression...~
xOxO~

where do i go from here? . . .

eheheh...like *someone* commented..my blog has been collecting quite a fair bit of cobwebs recently;) but hey, i did manage to create a high level of anticipation for my current *comeback* post, rite? ahahahah...okaii..maybe not~

well, i've been thinking...okaii, no i haven't, i have been seriously studying my bee-hind off..and i mean, seriously going to the library on a Saturday and Sunday (how incredibly unholy is that? - not so much becoz i'm Christian - which i am not - but cozz its just soo....paranormal), and so what if sze shih and i were talking most of the time & totally drove eza crazzyy with our inability to focus on studying..heheh~ it waz funn, and i'm going to miss it~ *sighs* and now, all my exams are finally over..im unofficially not a student anymore..~ well, i keep saying it..but, deep down, i dont want to let it fully sink in yet....for a few reasons;

1. there is the possibility i havent quite made it yet...due to the 2 NP's i had during my past 4 years of study.. ><"
2. i'm also in denial. i'm not quite ready to face the responsibilities of finding a job, supporting myself and making choices that define my future. yet. and yes, i'm not sure when i will be ready...err...wait..do i even have a choice here?? hahahah.....okaii okaii, i guess i'm just being a whiner and totally baby-ish about this..eeks! and i think i even got abit hypocritical. i feared the choices i have to make now...and i just posted that quote~ on kenny's blog >.<"

hrmmss..well, its time to start looking for a permanent job, i guess....one that will take me places, literally... (hahah...okaii, im dreaming still..)~

anyways, its reaaally late now..and i need to zzzzz~~ so more updatess, later..good nitezz for now~ xOxO~