p.s. i dont want to love you

just came home from watching P.S. I love you with pei wen, bryan and ethan~ it was a really sweet movie adapted from a book by Cecilia Ahern, about a husband who passes away and has left a plan of things to do for his widow (Hilary Swank)..*sigh* it was just a really touching and true-to-life story, which really depicts what so many people experience - coming to terms with the loss of their significant other~
watching this movie reminded myself of that feeling of being in a relationship.....and to be completely honest, im pretty da^% scared of going thru' those notions again. the helplessness of falling in love with someone. the fear of making mistakes or losing the person's love, the disappointment from having such high expectations from the person we love, and so many other sensations that i have become fairly immune to...
some people say it is good to venture and find the right one...but i really wonder, just how many times can a <3 be broken, for the sake of searching for the perfect one?

********

the irony of this x'mas eve

it's been a long time since i had this sickening feeling from waking up at such an ungodly hour of the morning, as i have today...or maybe, they stemmed from the mixed emotions i have from my mum and two younger sisters leaving for home sweet kl* today. its been almost two years since the memorably painful parting in Caulfield, when i realised just how much my family meant to me.
being older but only slightly more wiser than my 18 year old self, i am numb. not willing to let myself plunge into the deep waters of raw emotion.

*pop*

hahah...screw raw emotion! champagne, anyone??

okaii, but seriously ill admit it definitely feels good to have the home all to myself~ i feel like a kid whose parents went out of town and is relishing in the freedom this must mean. okaii..now that just sounded really pathetic, and no, of course, my parents are not that bad! hahahah...in fact, my parents, are quite the opposite and though, sometimes are pretty uptight about certain issues, they have always maintained my sense of freedom, to a surprising extent.

anyhow, the weariness is finally catching up to me, and im going to try to sleep in a little more b4 the buzy day ahead~ ttnfz~

pre-xmas greetings~~

eheheh...dreaded curse of the insomniacs~ >.<
its three-freaking-oh-one am rite now.

a mere 5 days to X'mas, which happens to be my absolute favourite holiday of the entire year~~ for some twisted reason, i always felt like X'mas is more romantic than Valentine's day and inadvertently more meaningful to me than Chinese New Year - probably a result of being brought up a little too English-educated, and despite myself not being a Christian too.

anyhow, with all the joys that Christmas brings - Xmas cheer, turkey + cranberry sauce, Santa Clause, christmas carols, presents! - it also stirs up a certain sense of loneliness.
time has definitely flown by, and i have been happily single for a little over a year and still enjoying it~ but there is just something so enchanting about falling/ being in love with that special someone during this special time of the year~

hrmss..anyways, i have grown accustomed to having my mum and my sisters around, and now seriously beginning to wonder what i will do when they really do leave on the 11th of January~ ohss deare...hahahah..~ whats important is valuing the remaining time they have here, and spending a veryy Merry Xmas with them, instead~

Seasons greetingss to all~ and have a veryy Merry Xmas~!! xOxO~

rant

life isn't fair most of the time . . .

i'm certainly not an unfortunate person, nor am i deprived of any necessities...just that i am not the type of person who is easily satisfied ::grins::

sometimes, i get weary from not being able to get what i want most of the time, and because of that, i wished i was one of those people who are just happie from the simplest things in life. . . the 'simple'/ uncomplicated type.
but i cant change, and though hard as it might be, i really appreciate having my friends around to listen to my whining on about the unfairness of not being able to get what i really, reallyy wanted in the first place.. ><"

its ridiculouss really, because i know i'm old enough to understand, old enough to stop feeling petty about all this but its just so frustrating sometimes. as it seems, like whatever i do...its just not good enough for my parents. arghs.