Saturday, September 27

my head is spinning from the countless, worrying thoughts that have flown by my mind in the past day itself..

what if...they don't accept my application and don't grant the bridging visa?
what if...they don't even manage to recieve the courier i have sent, due to unforeseen circumstances?
what if...they insist i send my translated birth certificate before the 30th Sept?

yes, i think i am about to tripp over that fine line of sanity..or have i already crossed over? goshh..

what is with birthdays and these unfortunate events...like? why does it seem like i spent my 22nd birthday moping and sadly contemplating the prospect of being an illegal 'alien' in another 3 days..
or why was it that i on my 16th birthday, i was burying my grandmother in the cemetery in Muar and watching my dad experiencing the second most hardest and painful days of his life?

im not normally the type to be melodramatic...but, seriously..i need to be racking up some karma points soon~

on the other hand, Bistro Vue is pretty darn good~ i must say the desserts were abit so-so...but the mains were delicieux~ and overall it left me pretty happie with all the yummy food in my tummy;) my highlight of my 22nd bday~! yays!~~

Friday, September 26

its 2.22am, and i cant sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep...
literally, im worried almost sick...because the thought of me being 'unlawful' and an illegal immigrant in Australia, as of the 30th of September is more than enough to make my stomach churn:S

i have never done anything illegal in my life, and yes, this is going to taint my prospects of applying for PR/ TR...whatever it is..gosh! i always say i have to stop doing things at the last minute...but *sighs* what the Fshhhhhhhhhhhhh.....im seriously panicking already:(

oh yeah, happie 22nd birthday to me...ha ha...
the irony is just too much..zoinking off now, because my brain is semi-retarded from stressing over my lawlessness..
ahhss...i miss those days when i dont need to know anything, and everything was done for me... >.<

Saturday, September 20

it is another friday night, and i am feeling rather blue...
no, dont misjudge me for wallowing in self misery for staying home on such a brilliant opportunity to be out and about, painting the city red...

nope. the real reason is quite the contrary, in fact.

after just getting off a video call with the rest of my beloved family back home, i am missing home, missing them. missing our moments and making funny faces just to make them laugh . . .sighs.
i have been moaning about my homesickness upon returning to Melbourne, and this time, i know, i have it really bad, as i have never been quite as homesick as this since . . . ever?

anyhow, i also think my dismal frame of mind is a direct result from the current listlessness i have been prone to recently.
upon 'graduating' and without studies to worry about, i am left afloat in the ocean of uncertainty that is life. i no longer have any plans, no agendas, no proper structure to adhere to...and yes, it certainly freaks me out.
there goes my whole list of tutorials to attend, assignment deadlines to highlight, exam dates, nonsensical study sessions and revision lectures..out the window:)

it is a bittersweet feeling indeed.

Monday, September 15

not one of the finer days of melbourne weather today...but i am in a surprisingly upbeat mood today.

for the past few months or so, i have been unsure, undecided, unsteady...if i may call it that, lacking confidence and lacking a strong will and direction. i had unconsciously let things that have happened in my past tangle itself with the present and my eminent future. sure enough, i have graduated from Uni, but I didnt let this sink in with me previously as I had been afraid I might disappoint myself again.

but today, it all changes. because I cant let my fear of failing (from my past experiences) stop me from being happy and bully me from making more decisions. I have recognised my failure in the past, so now, I have to stop feeeling guilty for them and punishing myself for them. Instead, I should learn the lesson behind them and continue forth wiser and stronger than before....

other than that, i shall stop babbling on as nothing much has been happening to me ~ especially since coming back~
but anyways, at least im genuinely happy now:)

Wednesday, September 10

no more excuses.

a new season has supposedly arrived in Melbourne, but my frozen fingers that tap on my silvery new keyboard is proof otherwise:(
so, it has been awhile . . . i have been back to the place which i will always call home, where the food is mostly too incredible to describe, where the warmth of old friends are sure to reach me despite the fact that i live in the most nether-reaches of suburban KL;) and where my beloved mum, dad and two youngest sisters make up a loving and irresistably amusing household~

i sincerely miss it.

maybe, i am biased since i was back there for a 'holiday' and i guess, it would be totally different working back there. so, i have to focus and snap myself back to the plan to GET somewhere. S O M E W H E R E, at least :)