i'm happy to announce that my bestie in mebourne has found a job, and as a graduate architect no less! :) she started on the day she got her interview~



and, i'm well, almost employed, holding my breath still....,



other than waking up wayy too early today (7 thirty AM), i am determined to enjoy the rest of my day, despite the abundance of pollen in the Melbourne spring air.



i finally watched a movie, (500) days of Summer, and it was cute, not fantastic but my kind of movie, i guess...;) i wont spoil it, by providing a description.

its been awhile...

hello there.



i'm officially super bored again.

the infamous job hunt ensues.



and, i am missing another partner-in-crime again, this year (booo...i miss you ruth!),

but the good news is we have another member;p Orangie a.k.a. Ee Ling~~

more upd8s soon, hopefully...;)

anywhere but here

just came back from 1-Utama, my first shopping session upon arriving in KL..gosh, i have missed shopping in kl so so much..not so much the enormous crowds, and the difficulty of finding parking though..on the way home, disaster struck, as we were filling up on petrol on the way home. tempers flared, voices raised subconsciously, and i got the similar constriction in my throat i always encountered, when faced with a difficult or stressful situation. and then realisation hit me. This was exactly what I used to hate and motivate me from being anywhere else but here.sure enough, i have missed KL so much, the lifestyle, the food, the shopping, the places, the sights, but i always knew i just couldnt stay with my family. its odd, but i just feel very upset over their pointless bickering...perhaps i am too sensitive, but i honestly, just can't stand it.on the other hand, melbourne is old for me. its boorishness drives me almost insane, let alone its lack of choice and international-influence inadequacy..


so, what then, can i do? what other choice do i have?

an emptiness that envelopes me whole.

alot of time has passed, and yet, i am still as unwise as I have always been.
have i not learnt anything?

it seems that nothing much has changed at all.
the ugliness that rears its head is as I expected, did it come very soon? - make this a reminder of why I chose to be me, for this long. perhaps, i have become incapable of giving.

numb. the notions are the same, although I tried my best to contain myself.

& as I continue to push myself further toward the edge, the only one who can't seem to see the simple truth is my very own self.

Happie New Year ~

happiee, happiee new year!!

ok, so i am eleven days late ;p but who's counting anyway..hahahh

Yay! another new year dawns upon us...and it brings great promise; of fresh beginnings, of new starts, of new challenges to overcome, of new experiences to savour and new opportunities to break through~
this year, i am not making any new year resolutions, simply because i dont want to make it a habit of using the New Year as a petty excuse to form and try to withhold resolutions. Resolutions for betterment should be formed during anytime we see fit and realise we need to change for the better, and not just during the coming of a New Year..~

anyhow, i hope the new year brings great happiness and joy to all, and may we all take a step closer to the dreams we hold dearest in our hearts~~

a little too much...

do u know the feeling?
it is as if . . .
when we see a car accident by the side of the road, but we can't seem to tear our eyes away from it? and as the terrible, tragic scene unfolds, i just cant help myself...

there is pain from just plain watching, yet i cant seem to remove my attention...
why is that?

why, do i continue to observe something that seems so painful, so sad...and, to make matters worse; i know, i can be terribly sensitive.
its hard to watch, but i do it anyway....
it has become a reflex of mine, a habit, even.


there was once a period, where i thought i wouldn't want to take everything so seriously. but, i have learned that it is a nearly impossible feat.
life is so short and fleeting, and i want to fill mine with passion. my passion happens to be making the world a better place, no matter how small the effort;)


i think too much.
i ask too many questions.
i feel abit too much as well.

i wonder, can i be cured?

another well-deserved photo upd8, so u wont totally despise me for my gnarly postss~

Suryanto's 2*th birthday celebration @ Belgian Beer Cafe, Eureka Towers & VII~~ [14112008]

Ruth, me and Hui San~

the birthday boy! making his birthday wish

a group picture outside~^^

me and Hui San + Darren

Breakfast Pyjamas party @ Carlton Gardens [06122008]

Melissa, me and Ethan

Happy Couple 1: Bryan + Melissa

happie feet:)

girls^.^

oh. my. goodness....

happiness is meant to be sought after. i am seeking my happiness. my pure, unadulterated bliss.

i believe, that was an affirmative.




and she smiled from her <3

please ignore me.

rain, rain and more rain...or so the forecast predicts for the rest of the few days ahead.

well, it's not really that i hate the rain or anything...except that it hinders or 'out-and-abouts' :(
ohh wells, so our project is well and truly under way...and maybe thats why, it seems as if time is just whizzing by recently. or have i grown too accustomed to taking my own sweet time that i have spent all of it doing little of anything? *ponders*

today....is just one of those days.
a day when one wakes up and questions one's self;

why? why is my skin so imperfect? why is my complexion not flawless?

why is my eyes even smaller than it used to be? why is the skin around still icky and peeling?

why am i so round? why is my face so immensely heinous?

why am i not skinny? why am i so * * * ?


::shakes head in disappointment:: talk about low self-esteem...le sigh

joyeux anniversaire, mon Janice~~!

ouch....my eyes still haven't recovered yet....:(

anyways, its my dearest darling not-quite-a-baby-anymore sister, Janice's birthday today~~~~~ gosh, jie jie misses u so unbelievably much! *le sigh*

hope you have a gr8 celebration @ Pavillion, and a grand ball of a sleepover...even though, it wouldnt be half as fun without me there;p

well, i just came to a conclusion rather recently, that my life is just almost very nearly perfect:) hahahh...why, almost? because i believe that in reality, perfection is pretty darn unattainable (see....and people say i'm hard to please! ::rolls eyes::)

i have my super parents, who have given me the opportunity and space to grow and test my boundaries, and are supporting me in every way imaginable at a time when i needed it most.

i have my three incredibly different, yet sweet sisters.

and of course, my amazing bunch of good friends, right here in Melbourne & from Sayfol.

i feel so grateful and happy to be so incredibly blessed.

so, i'm trying....trying to do my very best to stay strong, and be optimistic. To persevere through these so-called rough times. To strive hard toward achieving what I really want in life. To remember to be grateful for all the wonderful things I have, and never take things for granted.

h o m e s i c k

home home home home...
is where my <3 is.

i miss KL so much...its sickening, and i think, im even tired of whining to myself about it =.="

okaii, i am ready to admit defeat,
i want to go home...

Daddy~~~ i want to come home!

if only, i could just say so :(

*angsty*

im terribly disappointed in myself...and i wonder, where has the old me gone?
i feel as though im losing a sense of myself...a grip of who i used to be?

i did as i pleased and i never felt any obligation to explain my actions or justify them, because deep down, i knew, the people who i loved so dearly will never need to know why, but just accept me as i am.

but just today, i felt so flustered by a question asked of me. why? because the reality is, i dont know the answer to the question. i just do things the way i want to. but yet, i felt compelled to give a more definite answer. *stress* i just couldnt bring myself to reply "because thats the way i like it" and leave everyone to be happy with that.

anyways, i'm just so tired...of all these hard questions.

yeah, i know, life is tough and all, but i need to bury myself in happy thoughts for now..because, i really bring myself to my usual (?) headstrong self. not today. just not today...

so, please. dont. question. me. because. i. really. dislike. giving. u. a. rubbish. answer.

+.+

where do i go from here?

wasn't it just so easy when we were young?
when every direction was given, every step planned out way ahead of time...

now, faced with all the freedom to pursue exactly what i want in life. there is a long moment of hesitation. as i ponder, is this what i really, really, really wanted?

and now, what becomes of those dreams to travel the world?

to immerse myself in the millions of different cultures of the world?

to lend a helping hand to those in need of it?


then, i realised, this is the part of growing up that hurts the most.

squashing all our many dreams, hopes and such back into our little box of 'close-to-our-<3s', to be kept, until.....well, further notice :S

mon petite cousin, pour toujours.

i woke up this morning and remembered, today is your birthday...
it would have been your big 2 - 0,
you would have had a blast, or i would have liked to think we would have had a blast, because u came to Melbourne to stay with me and Jama.....hmmsss...but alas, maybe God had better plans for you.

anyways, happie birthday to you,
happie birthday to you,
happie birthday deare Priscilla,
happie birthday to you:]

xx remember always always

because im like that.

i dislike ambiguity, and confusion. amongst other things....
i like things concise, clear and completely straightforward. and that is why i have been so adamant to be so honest.

at the moment, my direction is still unclear and hence, ambiguous. so, i really have alot of research and consideration ahead of me tomorrow...
well, at least, that gives me some plans for tomorrow:)

as for the confusion....i really cant decide if im happie or not about it...because the conversation could mean alot, or nothing at all. i dont want to analyse it, and i certainly, dont want to be upfront about it.
im praying that my happiness wasnt unfounded, though:)

mes cheries~

u know what?

i really,
really,
really,
really
miss
US


i miss our genuine smiles, our carefree times...
i miss the jokes, the banter, the <3 style="font-weight: bold;">Us.


it's just been way too long...since we were altogether:( but i know, one day, we will be reunited. and THAT will be the day ;)

~gros bisous pour mes cheries coeurs

the same choices, different scenarios ?

im torn...

its highly uncharacteristic of me to feel homesick, and yet i guess, i shouldn't really be so surprised, seeing as I still feel the deep tinge of disappointment at the lack of control I exhibited on Friday nite..hrmm...Very uncharacteristic.

on another note...my family wants me to join them in KL for CNY this yearr:)
gosh knows, i reaally, reallly want to go back to KL again...

but at the same time, i want to find a job..to launch my career...to genuinely set off on my road to independence :s

ahahah.the choice seems so blatantly easy, and im so tempted . . .


but ahhhh....i have never been the type to pick the easiest ways . . .;)

of gorgeous-ness

alrite...so, you don't really need to convince me...Italian men encompasses some of the most gorgeous male specimen in the world~ *mmmmhhh*

anyways, i had a good time at the Japanese nite, despite me being so irrationally shy towards him. gosh, what is it with me and not giving people chances? or should i say, not giving myself a chance? =.=" this borders from me being too much of a perfectionalist (*wonders* is there even such a word?)
well, i really dont know...
why? on one hand i can say; im open to happiness, yet i deny myself the chance subconsciously...?
why? is it that i realise my mistake...yet, when it comes to crunch time, i still get completely nervous and mess up instead?

seriously, i am better than this. i know better than to make the same mistakes. again.
yes, the solution is...practise
and so,

practice makes perfect

anyways, its latee...
buona notte~

because . . .

1. we are all visual creatures (yes, i said all of us, are, admit it or not...)
2. the blog is in dire need of updates, picturewise ;)
   

Saturday, 25102008
dinner at Tusk, Chapel Street before Marie Antoinette: The Colour of Flesh

Jamie + her usual: icedchocolate

mummy

@ Prahran

pretty blossom tree:)

Monday, 20102008
lunch at Madame SouSou, Brunswick Street

main: le canard. with sweet and sour aubergine and dark chocolate sauce (i didnt enjoy it as much as i thought i would)

entree: blue cheese souffle with celery, walnuts and bread sauce (nice and, the walnuts were nyummy)

pre-entree??

mummy@ madame SouSou

random narcissistic shot of myself...yeah yeahh,i was trying to be pudgy and cute, but ended up looking pudgy and retarded. oh wells...

Saturday, 18102008
cycling from St Kilda to Brighton Beach (& back again)

Jack and Derek: touristy shot

Jack and Derek: the semi-crack-at-artistic shot

more backdated picturess soon..~

and now, when i look at it in retrospect . . . it was a narrow escape, indeed.
i see; i'm not the only one who was under your scrutiny
and i am just one of the many of which hearts out there that you have previously broken.

anyways, thats all over now~~

today was as good a Friday as i have had in quite some time . . .
had brunch at Mart again, and it was almost perfect; good weather, good company and good food:)
of course, receiving the significant, petite, turquoise blue package wrapped in a white ribbon did make my already perfect day a little more brighter, if that was even possible;)
that silver heart toggle charm bracelet with the Eiffel tower charm is my Graduation present<3 and much thanks to my family!

although i've been feeling pretty disappointed at being so pointless for the past few weeks...i feel a change coming on, as my optimism mounts~ hopefully, for good:) and i remember again, that I shall always have the support and morale from those that are closest and dearest to me~

nitess

*goes off to dream about Paris*